Why do all the hipsters look exactly the same? When did hating mainstream suddenly become so frikkin MAINSTREAM?
It’s not just the hipsters, but all the people who think they’re totally unique in their styles. I saw a girl in a subway today. I looked at her shoes, kinda cute, much like the ones we used as a child. Yellow wellingtons. Then I realized she’s wearing eyeglasses. With those thick black spectacle headbands. And that red stocking cap. And some insanely ugly backbag that’s so uncool that it must be cool. With FRIKKING RUTABAGAS on it! You buy the glasses when you can’t see right, RIGHT? No, nowadays the ones that actually can’t see wear contact lenses, because the hipsters took the glasses away from them. And nowadays the ones that have a huge nose or something, well they have to shave their cover mustache away, because it all belongs to hipsters now! HOW UNFAIR!
So it’s uncool to like music that somebody have already heard of. Isn’t it funny how there’s still a lot of people watching the shows…
Well let’s go to the band names. I’ve never understood the reason why the band’s name must be filled with so many different words that it must be shortened? (Yes, you heard this from a woman behind the name ohyesshesabitchbutnotyours. Don’t shorten it. Don’t remember it. Follow.) While talking to your friends about bands all of the other people think that you’re mentally distorted, ’cause all you can say is ”DYTB67AI”, which by the way takes forever ’cause you can’t even remember all of the letters by yourself. Yep, this is your favorite band. And please don’t say it too loud ’cause it becomes uncool if a lot of people like it.
Okay so you pronounced the words right and one of your friends understood what you said. The name is something like ”My Cinderellas Who Never Turned To Real Beans”. Or “Those rainbow! Satellites Who Don’t Bake Hats”. Actually making a hipster band name is so easy, ’cause everything goes. Basically it’s just who makes the most ridiculous set of words that makes the least sense. Take an irrelevant word, decide a sharp-witted thing that it DIDN’T do, probably add a question mark at the end just to make people abandon the idea of even trying to understand it and you’re ready to go. But please try not to success, because it’s so uncool.
And how do these hipsters have anything to talk about anyway? They post a photo of everything they do on Instagram? Why is it so damn important to know what type of socks you choose to wear today? And why does your iPhone have to make the photo look like it was taken in the 19th century?
This is funny too. When you go to a hipster clothing store you don’t know if you’re on the man’s or in the woman’s side. All of those overprized clothes look exactly the same and are so loose that you’re starting to think somebody actually made the t-shirt out of an umbrella. True story.
And the best part of this is that I ‘cannot even make any hipsters mad at me, because they won’t admit that they’re hipsters at the first place!
Just trying to catch the idea of a true hipster!
(And I hope you see the good amount of irony in this post, because otherwise I totally failed as a hipster.)
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